By Melanie Loxton, School Teacher
July article 2011
This month I would like to pay some attention to Parent Interviews, having just completed a round with my Grade 2 parents.
1. Be punctual.
When 27 (or more) sets of parents have been scheduled for after-hours time, it really is important to arrive on time and stick to the time allotted, otherwise the other parents will be kept waiting. If you feel you need more time, then make a second appointment, or request a longer time slot from the outset. Interviews are done in our ‘free’ time (admin lessons which are usually for marking or photocopying etc, or after our extra mural commitments) so please do not be late. Each teacher normally has about 3 “no-shows” which means our time has been wasted. The day after a “no-show” we may let you know that you missed your appointment. The only correct way to answer is with a profuse apology and a plea to reschedule. Can you believe that some parents, after missing their appointment, never try to make it up? Bad manners and “African time” are not acceptable.
2. Do not answer your phone during a parent interview.
We only have your undivided attention for about 15 or 20 minutes. Put your phone on silent or cancel the call. Would you take a call while you were meeting with your doctor? If your answer is yes, then your manners are very poor indeed. Would you be annoyed if the teacher answered her phone during your short time with her?
3. Come prepared with some knowledge of how your child is coping with homework.
If you are not the person who does the homework, check with that person how your child is doing. Know their strengths and areas that could improve. Ideally you should have some experience of doing homework with your child, even if it is just “spot checks” once or twice a week. Homework is a “necessary evil”. In the early grades especially, homework provides the practice for children to master the necessary mechanical skills so that later they can perform well in literacy and numeracy. The school day is too short to teach and consolidate all the work they need to learn, especially children who need more time than others to learn new concepts. A child is only at school for a third of his waking time. Two thirds of waking time is spent under the nominal control of the home. Therefore good homework habits have to be instilled at home, so that the teacher can get on with teaching the contents of the syllabus.
While we really appreciate when moms AND dads make the effort to come together, it is very often apparent that the mom is the one who sits with homework and is most aware of how the child is coping; but the uninvolved dad will most likely be the one halting the process of support when intervention is necessary. I am sorry to generalise: many dads are wonderfully involved and take an active role in homework. In fact, some provide a welcome change from that ‘female voice’ (teacher and then mom) which seem to ‘nag’ a wayward child. Children often respond that much quicker or more effectively to an authoritative male voice. Dads, I challenge you to be like the many super-dads out there.
However, it IS better for moms and dads to come together if possible. I am most annoyed when (at least once or twice a year) a mom comes in, takes the message home, nothing comes of it; I ask what they have decided upon, then the dad decides he needs more clarity and I end up repeating the whole interview for him, and progress can only begin thereafter.
4. Prepare yourself for news that your child may not be coping as well as you think.
I have seen too many parents in denial. Pay attention to your child’s test marks that come home. Anything around 50% is NOT GOOD enough in the Foundation Phase! If they only know half the work, then they will not be going forward at all prepared for future learning. Unless they have a learning problem (which must then be identified and supported) or a concentration problem (which must be identified and supported… see previous 2 articles!) or a low learning potential (which needs to be measured, identified and supported), then we should be expecting the very best from your child. If their work has come home with comments such as “Be more careful” or “We need to work on this” or “Watch your spacing” or “I think you can do better” then we may need to chat about how to improve their performance.
One mom, who had been through a personally traumatic time, was so badly hoping not to get bad news in the interview, that I felt awful mentioning possible support routes. She started by saying optimistically that she was sure he had improved, even though his work had shown no signs of improvement. She was so desperate for me to agree that she made it hard for me to tell her the truth, even though I had to. She burst into tears, upon which her husband became defensive. Please have a realistic idea of your child’s potential and progress. These things can be assessed by professionals (educational psychologists) so you do not have to take the teacher’s suspicions as the final word.
Don’t be afraid of assessment, especially if recommended by the teacher. It means she has picked up an area where she is not expert and would appreciate expert help in identifying the best means of helping. (See previous article on “interventions”). I have another mom in denial who is in for a nasty shock when she receives the June report. We had an unsuccessful early interview where I strongly recommended medication for a very apparent concentration problem. She opted for herbal remedies instead, and in every piece of work sent home (books and portfolio) where we asked for a comment, she has optimistically commented “I see an improvement”… where there have been no signs thereof! In fact, his marks have deteriorated to the point of failing. He may have made small improvements, BUT the standard of work has increased so much from Term 1 to Term 2, that he still fails to meet the criteria (by ever-increasing margins). Denial only stalls progress. Acceptance (though difficult and painful) brings about improvement. Get there as fast as you can.
5. Divorced parents need to put their issues with each other aside and put their child’s growth and progress first.
We do appreciate being filled in on a child’s situation, especially where a divorce has not been amicable, but please do not use interview time to spouse-bash (especially if we are doing separate interviews!) Divorce affects a child in ways we may not even be aware of (eg. Maths can be affected because it is very confidence-based, and a child’s self-confidence can take a knock with the insecurity that comes about with a divorce.) Please be open to taking your child to see a therapist or counsellor, possibly even at recurrent intervals. Issues arising from divorce, remarriage, birth of step or half-siblings, may occur over years and not be ‘dealt with’ in one swoop of a visit to a psychologist. The best thing you can do for your child is to get along with their other parent, at least enough to put on a united front and be able to communicate with the fellow parent openly and agree on steps of intervention.
Most of all, look forward to the time you have with your child’s teacher. Take her advice, ask questions, assume the best of this person who spends an important part of your child’s day imparting her knowledge and life lessons. Get on her side, even if you think she has not given you the ‘good news’ you so wanted to hear. If you heed the suggestions she makes, you may be hearing ‘good news’ in years to come. Bad news does not go away on its own. Best wishes!
