By Melanie Loxton, School Teacher
August 2011 article
This month I would like to touch on the topic of family time and how it affects your child at school. Now, of course, this topic is so broad that I could not begin to address it all here, and I would need the input of a child psychologist or family counsellor to really bring the facts, but there are two recent examples from school life where I can see the benefits and the lack of spending real quality time which affects your child educationally.
The first one is a simple ‘homework’ challenge that we issued to our Grade 2 pupils in whole-grade lessons for Afrikaans. When we teach the vocabulary for ‘Die eetkamer’ (which is The Dining room for you non-Afrikaans readers!), we chat about how families used to eat together in ‘the good old days’ before T.V. and computer games. Nowadays, supper is often a chaotic non-coming-together while mom and dad try to cook, rush through homework, catch up on the day and get the bath/bed routine going amidst the lure of favourite T.V. programmes. Unfortunately the chaos cannot always be avoided with both parents working and evening time being the first time the family gets together after the school day. Not every family has a specific dining room either, and supper is often eaten in the lounge in front of the television. Our challenge was this: on one occasion in the week, eat supper together as a family (in whichever room) but with the T.V. off, and have a conversation about the day.
Sounds simple, but does it happen regularly? Most conversations consist of parents asking all the questions and receiving non-committal answers… “How was your day?” fine. “What did you learn about?” nothing. Firstly, try asking open-ended questions which demand a thought-out answer instead of closed questions, eg. “What was your favourite part of the day and why?” or “what was the most interesting/difficult work you did today?” My own small children have already been conditioned to the routine of naming “best and worst” of the day (even if the 3-year-old’s answers are fictional at times!), they are forming the habit of chatting and reflecting and recalling and participating in daily life. You pay a lot for school fees, you should expect decent feedback from your child! Don’t accept lacklustre information about the bulk of your child’s day, but phrase your conversation so that it does not take the form of a barrage of nagging questions which they will try to duck.
Why? So that you know your child. So that the small amount of time you have with your child in the busy evenings is QUALITY time. So that you will pick up on academic difficulties before the teacher has to tell you about them. So that you can be sensitive to peer problems before a real issue evolves. So that your child knows you are interested. So that your child knows that you have a stake in their academic progress. So that your child knows that the school day is important, and that you do not assume that they just play and waste time all day while the grownups do the real work.
Part of our challenge was for the children to ask these questions of their parents. So many kids are used to being meaninglessly grilled that they do not realise that you have been having a ‘day’ too! They might be able to say “Daddy works at an office”, but what does he DO there? Does he work on a computer? Does he meet with people? Why? What does he say at meetings? Play a question game where each family member has to ask 3 questions of other family members. You might glean some interesting information when you overhear children asking and answering school-related questions of each other, particularly your teens…
Anyway, the Grade 2’s had to ‘prove’ that they completed the challenge by producing a note from a parent in order to receive a sweet. (Young children will move mountains for the simple prize of one sweet or one sticker – remember that when allocating rewards and don’t overshoot your resources!) and every year I hold onto these notes because they have become one of those few tangible rewards in my teaching career. They say “thank you for the wonderful idea”; “we had a delightful meal and I plan to keep this tradition going”; “we practised making polite dinnertime conversation and worked on table manners”; “thank you for good advice”; “I was so surprised when Rachel turned off the T.V. and asked me about my day”; “it was so refreshing to eat with the T.V. off” and “that was such a great time” (actual quotes from this year’s batch of letters). I guarantee such a time for you and your family! Try it!
On this note, Afrikaans is a language which is more widely spoken as a home language than English in South Africa (google it, it’s true!) yet it is often disparaged and called a dying language. Nevertheless it is an examinable subject which your child will need to pass until they are in Grade 12. You may not be brilliant at it, but you CAN support your child’s language learning by 1.) asking them what vocabulary they are learning (as in the setting given in the challenge above) and practising with them, even in a limited capacity; 2.) get them Afrikaans reading books from the library when they are older; 3.) sourcing Afrikaans extra lessons if they need assistance, even in the form of an Afrikaans neighbour or friend who can just help with simple conversing, and 4.) find workbooks such as those at CNA where they can do extra practice, even at a simpler level than where they are working in their Grade, to boost confidence.
And my second point regarding family time, just a short thought, is about school holidays. We have just had three weeks in July where I understand it is very difficult for working parents to manage having their children on holiday while they are not available. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have flexi-time or leave or be non-working. However, I challenge working parents to perhaps take a day or two off during the school holiday if possible, and make it a (short) time that your child will love spending with you – not rushing off to the movies or an anti-social activity where anybody could have taken them, but one of these quality-time type interactions that they will remember having spent with specifically YOU. Build it up as an important occasion. Discuss beforehand what you will do together, let them invest in the planning. When we do news on the first day of term, so many children say “I went nowhere” or “I did nothing”… for three weeks?! Surely not! Even if it’s just that one day, make it a highlight and talk about it afterwards. As cliché’d as it is, talk to your children while they still want to talk to you! Spend time with them while they are still desperate to spend time with you! It really is quality over quantity.
When we do reading for the first time after a long holiday, we can hear who has spent time reading in the holiday and who is ‘rusty’. Don’t let those brains get idle in a holiday. Even working parents can assign some easy ‘tasks’ for the day which can be checked on in less time than you would have spent on homework each evening. Not that I work for CNA, but again, they have cheap workbooks which can keep idle hands busy for fun rewards. Even my 5-year-old loves doing simple counting or tracing letters with sticker books. Small children can be conned into ‘work’ with much praise and making them feel important. Don’t be scared to bring that into the holidays.
