Emotional Deposits

By Melanie Loxton, School Teacher
November 2011 article

This week at my school we held an assembly to honour our ex-Primary school pupils who had gone on to achieve well in their High Schools. They were invited back if they had done well academically, achieved a level in either sport or cultural spheres, or been recognised as a prefect or leader in their Matric year.

I made a special effort to be at this assembly (we Foundation Phase teachers and pupils do not attend the Senior assembly) because these grown-up ‘children’ were in my first class of Grade 2’s when I was appointed in 2001. What an absolute delight it was to see these near-adults who have done so well! The previous years of these annual assemblies had meant little to me, as I recognised the children, but had never taught them myself. The point I would like to make here is that once a child has been in your care for a whole year, you can only want the very best for them, and be (almost) as proud as a parent when they achieve. Our headmaster touched on this in his address to the past pupils, where he called them “still ours”. He said that in teaching a child there is an emotional deposit which we lay down as class teachers and even as coaches. We become emotionally invested in seeing “our” children achieve.

I felt this so keenly when I saw my first “naughty boy”, Jason, walk down that aisle in the assembly. I have a soft spot for those mischievous boys who are not really naughty, but just unable to contain themselves, and are just too charming to be angry at. I told Jason’s mother in his Grade 2 year that his future may not be in academics, but that I would see him in the Green and Gold one day. Now here was this strapping young chap, having made Border rugby, heading straight for my classroom after the assembly to give me a big hug and tell me, “Ma’am, I told my mom I would come straight here”. I get tearful all over again just writing this. An emotional deposit. A good teacher will invest her heart into her children.

This is also the reason why I have not been able to give up or wash my hands of my two boys this year who have been making little or no progress because both are severely hampered by a lack of focus. I have addressed this issue of attention deficit in a recent article. I am of the belief that medication is worth a try and I explained my reasons in that recent article, primarily because I have seen it transform children from strugglers into achievers. These boys have extremely medication-resistant parents, which is their right, if the child can be helped in another way. Now in Term 4, one boy is failing Literacy and hence in danger of repeating the year, which would be a crime as he is intelligent. After a year of Occupational Therapy and Remedial, he still cannot retain information long enough to transfer it into his school work. (ie. he can remember most of his Spelling words for his weekly test, but there is no carry-over into permanent knowledge.)

Finally his mom became desperate enough to try medication. In our meeting, she relayed to me a conversation she had with a friend of hers in trying to understand why her child is struggling so much. (It is very difficult for people who have never struggled at school to understand WHY their child is struggling, what is feels like to struggle, or to grasp that having a learning problem is not cured by just ‘hard work’ or because of anything they did.) Apparently her friend said to her, “He must have a bad teacher. The teacher should have instilled in him a love for books.” Oh, the insult and the ignorance! Never mind the fact that this child has become “Horrid Henry” crazy since we started reading these books in class (fantastic for 7-9 year-olds, by the way) and has asked his mom to buy these books, then brings them to school to show me AND dressed as Horrid Henry for our recent character dress-up day, the ignorance of that comment shows that people do not understand that reading is HARD WORK for children with Literacy or Language learning problems. He does love books – but he prefers to be read to because it is too hard for him for it to be enjoyable. He avoids written tasks because it is difficult for him, not because he has not been taught to love reading.

After his first week on medication (during which he was not aware that he was taking anything more than a ‘vitamin’) he reported to his mom, “You know, class work was actually fun today!” and again, my heart soared. Because if “my” child had been struggling the whole year, and finally felt more capable, I would support that intervention no matter what my feelings about it were. And for me, the emotional investment paid off. The “fight” was worth it, even though my hands had been tied after the first suggestion of intervention, I continued to bang with my tied wrists and point out the child’s plight. My only fear is that it has been left too late.

With the second boy I have also been advised that there is nothing more I can do. He has incomplete work every day, cannot remember a ‘memory sentence’ which he has the whole week to learn, does not benefit from repeated corrections, does not follow instructions and is also very bright. Unfortunately his marks are not low enough for a wake-up call about a possible repeat. I say unfortunately because while they remain ‘average’ or ‘weak’, his parents are content. I scream silently to myself every day in the face of this underachievement. My daily dilemma is an urge to point out his failings in an effort to move his parents to action, but I have found this counter-productive and am forced to be silent while writing the same impotent comment in his book every day: “incomplete again (sad face) I would really love to see your best work!”

I will never see that boy called back to his Matric Achievers assembly because his parents are content with less than that for him. I am not content, but I do not have the power to change their dreams for him. If I had no emotional deposit in this boy’s life, I could have given up and been light-hearted two terms ago. So, if your child is not achieving and their teacher is hounding you, be thankful! It is hard work to care too much and it would be easier to throw our hands up.